me being plain me.

seriously plain one like white paper.







sigh.
i do realize the fact that I still own a blog.
but my life is so dull i wanna spare you the misery.



-mcd's study plan with the housemates is cancelled so i'm blogging-

so final is 14 days away, thanks to my dear calendar who counts down everyday in front of me. i shouldn't be scared because i'm already so used to it right? but yucks the world is cruel and i'm afraid of it again because what if i can't make it? i'll be like the biggest failure in the whole universe.


i've questioned my capabilities a lot lately especially since mid-term and i feel that my nightmares are coming alive to haunt me. i have all these positive affirmations plastered in my room, i really did believe in the infinite source of my capability. note- i did.



i'm constantly afraid.
afraid of whether i will succeed.
afraid of whether i am really good enough.
afraid of whether there are cockroaches in my room.



each time i feel afraid, i would hear the voice in my head telling me "DO NOT BE AFRAID" and i would continue to feel afraid. i would still do things that distract me from studying. i am a frigggin moth. i am. i get burned on one wing, and i get very angry and sit down at one corner and sulk while complaining. then i decide to flutter to candlelight again and burn my leg.



heheh i just loled at myself.
ok this is stupid.




i don't have class tomorrow =D
which means
-i can sleep as late i want to.
-i can wake up as late as i want to.
-i won't feel guilty if i'm slacking.
-i lied about not feeling guilty.





staying up while everyone sleeps,
the silence lets me think of things i don't think about.
things that i lock at the back of my mind.
maybe one day we'll live in space.
i just thought you should know.
we'll have honey stars for breakfast.
wouldn't you want to brave the black hole with me?
it'd just be us,
the stars and the universe.
no exam!












update at 0430-
it's starting to rain.
i like the rain.
if only it wasn't so heavy.
sleep,
i should go to bed,
i need to sleep,
human being sleep.
enough of the crazy rambling talk.





i'm talking to myself.
great.